Why Bill Simmons is the best sports writer around

In his new article about the upcoming NBA season, he lists the people he thinks will be most intriguing during the year. This was his entry for #5 -- David Stern.

If the commish could send an e-mail to Billy Hunter that would self-destruct within 20 seconds of Hunter reading it, I think this is what it would be like:

"Hey, Billy Hunter? Did you see how I just broke the referees? You're next. I am old, I am cranky, my league is going broke and I am not going to be in the mood to mess around with this next CBA. We sent you our revenue reports. We did not doctor them. Our system is broken and needs to change. Your players make more in salaries than we generate in revenue. Don't tell the press that you and I are going to figure this out together, because I have already figured this out. Our owners are perfectly happy to take a break from losing money for a few months. We already know that your players cannot handle that same break.

"So basically, I am calling the shots again and I won't even need to grow a beard. I broke you in 1999, and believe me when I tell you this … I will break you again. Only with more glee this time around. Because, again, I am older and crankier. I'm tired of having these owners bitch at me. I've had it. Ask anyone who works for me. Ask any of the networks who deal with me. The DS Crank Rating hasn't been this high since the Artest Melee. Tread carefully, my friend. You don't want this. I promise you. You. Don't. Want. This."

You can read the whole thing here.